What Did The Man Do As He Went Sideways Through The Turnstile?

Ah, Bangkok . It's gigantic. It's a bit smelly. I imagine it would be pretty easy to find just about any vice you wanted. Oh, and it was Christmas Eve.

We arrived, got lost, ate Italian, and went to our hostel. Since it was still a bit early, and we felt the need to unwind a bit after the long trip back from Siem Reap, we set out in search of a decent bar; and found an "English pub". Inside there were, other than the bartenders, a bunch of English and other Europeans. So we got a drink, and Katie started chatting it up with one of the guys. His name was John, and he had lived in Bangkok for many years (I think his father owned the pub), so we grilled him for some tourist locations and so forth. Anyway, darts were played, and Katie decided to continue her night with John and his buddies (they were going to play pool somewhere, I believe). Rich and I decided that these guys were harmless, and that Kate was safe in their hands for a bit we went our separate ways.

On our way back to the hostel, I decided I wanted another drink before bed, so we stopped at yet another Italian place that was open 24 hours. We got a beer, they gave us breadsticks, we chatted about religion- it was a good time. At some point an older man had sat down at a table behind us (we were outside on the patio area). First thing he says to us is "You're American" in an almost accusing voice. Now, this part may... irk a few people, but know that I'm merely telling the way it is overseas. One of the first things you learn when abroad is that the rest of the world disapproves of the recent actions of the United States and occasionally will take that out on its citizen’s. I have even heard that some Americans say they are Canadians when they are abroad just to avoid hassle. Anyway, regardless of how the world feels about the States, THIS guy was way out of line (and totally smashed, I might add). So, he asks if he can join us, we say "why not" so he pulls up a chair. First thing the guy said, as I mentioned, sounded like an accusation. The second thing he said WAS an accusation. (Oh I forgot to mention he was New Zealander, so imagine all the quotes in an accent). Second thing; "Do you realize that America is the most loathed country in the world? I mean, honestly, even your allies hate you. You are sooo stupid." Now, to be fair, he did say other things, but I believe in the 20 minutes we spent with this guy, those three sentences came up the most. And he always introduced them as if it was new information, and NOT something he had already said 10 times in the exact same words. Of course there is little defense against his accusations, but he did keep using the word “you”. “You are so stupid” “You made so many mistakes” “You are not respected” Eventually I got angry and got in his face. He apologized and then not 3 minutes later was right back on the same track. It went on like this for about twenty minutes and then we decided to hit the hay. Needless to say the event was a standing joke for the rest of the trip. “Do you realize…?!” (add accent)

The next night we ran into what would become our somewhat suicidal tuk-tuk driver. It started innocently enough- he asked if we needed a tuk-tuk, we said we needed a bar, he informed us there were no bars in this area, and offered to take us to one, or a couple, for a pretty good price. He was a madman. I don't know if he had a death wish or a competitive spirit or what, because he was racing the cars beside us, and then passing them. I didn't know tuk-tuks went this fast. Numerous times he had to slam on the brakes, tires squealing and all, to avoid ramming the vehicle in front of us. Now, it was a bit scary, but not too bad because he obviously had a lot of experience in driving one of these things. (Might've been better had there been seatbelts or oh-shit handles); the truly worrisome thing was that he couldn't seem to decide whether he wanted to race the cars beside us or practice his English with Rich and I so he did both. He would start by using the rear-view mirror to look at us to see if we understood him (usually it was a joke of some kind... very light-hearted guy). But if he saw a look of confusion he would turn around to repeat himself- all this at breakneck speeds. I started pretending I understood everything and that whatever he was saying was hilarious, just so he would keep his eyes at least aimed towards the road. So we arrived at the first bar unharmed; our driver said he would wait outside for us. We went inside to have a drink, and the bar was terrible. I believe we were the only people in there, except for the guy covering Elvis songs with a synthesizer (the bar's name was Love Me Tender, I think). So away we went again. It was at this point that Rich and I saw an interesting show. If you know what I mean then you know what I mean. If you don’t, then don’t ask. After a few more drinks and a few more near-misses, he dropped off at the station and we took a train back to the hostel, happy to be alive.

The next day we headed down to the docks and got on a ferry up the river. It was a nice little trip. Then we walked around Wat Po, went to the Grand Palace, did all the touristy stuff one does in Bangkok. We finished about 2, and had a good 6 hours to kill before our night bus left. So we headed back to Khao San Rd., where we caught our bus to Koh Tao which is another story in itself.