Before dawn on the new year

 

It is January 1^st, 2021. A new year opening. In the afternoon Aya and I start talking about going to the grocery. By the evening we are making plans to go and what we are going to get but more importantly, when are we going to go. “Should we set an alarm?”. No, I say, I’ll wake up early enough, and I do. By about 5:45am I am rolling out of bed. Aya is up already. I get some coffee and sit at my computer for a little while, but by 6:30 we are getting ready. We’re pulling on our jackets and backpacks, but our masks and latex gloves too of course. We both have hand sanitizer in our pockets. We are ready to go out.

 

As we leave our building we make sure not to touch anything with our hands, but push doors open with our elbows. It is very quiet and nothing is moving, nobody is outside yet. We are alone and that is good. As we make our way in the dark to the grocery we see a couple of people walking about, but not many. Getting to the one crosswalk we have to cross there are very few cars, just one sitting at our side waiting for the light, none crossing in our path. I say to Aya that we should just cross, but I know she won’t want to anyways so I am really saying it into the cold January air. Aya comments on how few people there are and I say well, it is a Saturday and a holiday weekend so most people are probably sleeping in.

As we cross the street the grocery comes into view. The sign isn’t lit, a little strange. Aya asks if they are even open but just as she says that a car comes tearing into the parking lot. Looks like, I say. Crossing the parking lot Aya says, how many other customers do you think are inside? One, I guess.

 

Going into the sliding doors we use the alcohol provided and rub it on our latex gloves. Then we enter the second set of sliding doors and get our first look inside. Not a customer in sight, but a few workers quickly moving about unpacking and restocking. We split up and start gathering things to make the trip as quick as we can. Of course, we manage to find everything on our list and everything not on the list. As we are checking out we notice there are now a couple more customers in the store. Looks like we beat the “rush”.

 

As usual no one is at the cashiers’ lanes so we use the self-checkout. I have some beer to scan and I know it will stop me from checking out before getting assistance, so I tell Aya to use another one to complete the rest of the items. As I wait for someone one of the security guards comes over to help. I kind of wish he wouldn’t as moments earlier I heard him coughing wetly and sniffling. He has a face shield on, but it is already pretty full of droplets. His eyes are bloodshot and he doesn’t look well, but then again, he could just be an old guy with a cold who had to show up to work early in the morning. We can fit just about everything in our bags but a box of tangerines and some bananas, green the way Aya likes them.

 

We pack up our bags and head out the double set of sliding doors and as soon as we exit I put down the box of tangerines. We both use sanitizer on our gloves, then carefully remove them, then sanitize our hands again. We’ll use the gloves again on a future trip. They seem to last three or four trips before they get a tear in them. I then pick up the box of tangerines with the bananas on top and we make our way home. It is just starting to get light out and there are a few more people, but not many. As we enter our building we again try not to touch anything with our hands, but there is one door there that isn’t possible when opening it, so we coordinate and one of us uses the key fob while the other uses their hand to open it, then sanitize hands again.

 

When we get to the apartment we turn our keys to go inside and close the door with an elbow. We then put down our bags and unload. Things that can go on the shelf and sit there for two or three days before we use them. Things that we want to use now or need to be kept cold get an alcohol rub down. Is this even needed anymore? We always say it, but never bothered to look it up. Once the goods are put away we put our bags back on the shelf and then wash our hands thoroughly.

 

The shopping is done.

 

That is probably the 12^th time or so that we have gone in person to the grocery since March of 2020. The rest of the time we have things delivered. Beyond that, we don’t go anywhere. There is nowhere to go really. Ok, sure in the summer some things were open and we did get a couple small road trips in, being very careful to distance and avoid crowds, stay outdoors, sanitize hands, wear masks and wipe down our rooms, etc. Now, all the restaurants are closed, but delivery is open thank the gods and politicians. Any place for people to gather is shut. Going to friends’ places is an option, but knowing what we know about what they are up to it isn’t a good idea. Everyone says they are careful and we want to believe them and meet up, but then in the same breath mention they went to their in-laws for dinner last night and can meet up but after finishing a yoga class and picking up their kid from the daycare. No, thanks, I hope you understand.

 

We try to look on the bright side and there is much of that. We are healthy and happy. We have both kept our jobs and enjoy them. We live in a place that is fairly relaxed and good for our mental and physical health. Our families are doing ok. Our friends are doing ok. In some ways this has highlighted the better parts of ourselves. From my perspective one thing I am thankful for is the shift to the introvert. Those who preferred to be home, be online, and be generally less social have done much better in this life than others might. From online classes to no contact deliveries, I’m hoping we don’t throw the baby out with the bath water once things do start to shift back to normal. 

Still, life is getting tough as many people know. The initial lockdowns in the spring led to a lot of reimagining and uncertainty about what would come next. After a few months most people chose to try to get back to normal, a big mistake. People were then and now complaining of fatigue. I understand that, but I also understand that the virus is not fatigued. Something I think of often is how when Aya and I arrived in Beijing we did so with about 30 other teachers and their kids. In those first few weeks we saw each other often as we figured out the city and the new positions in the school and quite often I saw people wearing masks or curtailing certain activities due to air pollution. We did too but it didn’t take long for people to stop wearing masks (unless it was really bad pollution) or just regularly going about their lives. They were fatigued, but the pollution wasn’t. Aya and I always continued with our original precautions and we continue to do so now in the pandemic. At least in this case there is an end of sorts in sight.

 

That end has got us all looking forward to 2021 and what may come. What may return to “normal”. For many that means going back to making a living as normal and I can sympathize with that. I’m a teacher and I know a lot of my colleagues want to go back to “normal”, but there is the thing. It won’t be “normal” even when we are back to normal. This year has scarred us. Many will continue to feel the presence of it for the rest of their lives. The way we work, travel, and come together will be forever changed for this generation. In time that may fade away, but it will take a generational turn over. Though the vaccines are rolling out now it will take years to get to any sense of herd immunity around the globe. And then, what about the next one? Everyone now can clearly register that a global virus spread is a possibility. In the past experts said not just a possibility, but an eventuality. Now, those same experts are saying this is our dress rehearsal for the next one.

So, it may come, some day and unexpectedly just like this one. For now, we listen to the experts. We overcome. We get strong and, eventually, we gather and reunite. We count our blessings. We look on the bright side. We find the silver linings. We support each other and we enter 2021 with optimism but also clear eyes for the future. We get up early to get all of the things we need and all of the things we don’t need.